October 25, 2015

19 Weeks

This is going to be a longer post, because the story of this baby goes back to January and that's a lot of time to cover! For all the details, read down below. For a quick update, know that all was well at my 19 week appointment last Wednesday, and we will go back in a couple weeks at the beginning of November for the anatomy scan. We think we know the gender, and will hopefully find out if we're right real soon!

After our miscarriage in January I knew that I wanted to start trying again right away. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor as soon as I thought my body had had enough time to recover to talk about our options. We got pregnant on our our own with the baby we lost, but it took years for Sophie and knowing my body and our history, I didn't feel comfortable leaving things up to chance. 

I started a round of birth control to regulate my cycle, and then Clomid to help induce ovulation. We never had success with Clomid when we were trying for Sophie, but felt it was a good place to start this time and might just give my body the extra nudge it needed. Our plan was to try 4 rounds, and then discuss moving to the next level if we didn't see results. 

The third round was the charm. We got a positive test in mid-July, on the last day of our beach vacation with the Howe family. Normally I wouldn't share the news so early, but we thought it would be fun to tell family in person so we announced to Dave's family right away, and then to my family a few days later when we were all together in Washington. 

I was so excited, but also nervous. I went through my entire pregnancy with Sophie without worry, but the miscarriage stole my "innocence is bliss" and as hard as I tried to be positive, the back of my mind was always filled with worry about what could happen. Morning sickness hit with full force around 6 weeks, my first appointment came and went, and yet I still couldn't shake the anxious feelings. 

Around 13 weeks, as the point of my miscarriage neared, I really struggled to stay positive. Memories of what happened before were ever present, and I got hit with reoccurring headaches, the only symptom I had of something being wrong last time. I'm sure most of it was my own brain making me feel this way, but it was still unsettling. I prayed over and over again for this baby to be ok, and then when I still felt troubled, I started praying for peace. I asked Heavenly Father to ease my mind, for courage to accept his plan for me and move forward with faith. I still prayed for the health of the baby, but also for strength, understanding, and comfort if things went wrong. 

And then that night I felt flutters. I dismissed it at first, but it happened again the next night, and the two nights after that and suddenly I knew everything was ok. I didn't feel Sophie move until was I was 21 or 22 weeks, so to feel the baby this early was almost unbelievable to me, but also the best feeling I'd ever had. 

I went in for an appointment a few days later and for a just a moment I faltered. This was the appointment that went so wrong last time, and my mind started racing to the worst case scenario again. We went back to the exam room and just like last time, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. He searched all over my belly and found nothing. And so like before, we moved across the hall for an ultrasound, but this time, to my relief, we saw a sweet little baby dancing wildly across the screen. Heartbeat was perfect, and the baby actually measured big so my doctor moved my due date up a week from March 26th, to March 19th, Sophie's birthday. 

Even now this baby continues to be active. I feel movement every night around 9:00 pm, a sweet reassurance at the end of the day that baby is in there and growing. I have come to have greater faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me, even though the timing may be different from what I want it to be. I'm not always one for inspirational quotes, but I enjoy this one that I've seen floating around Facebook lately. I know that illness, injury or other tragedy can happen at any time, but it does no good to worry. Right now life is good and we are enjoying the moment. 

1 comment:

The Palmers said...

Love this, Mel! And I'm such a worry-er... great quote. I'm so thrilled for y'all and even more exciting that we're on the same schedule! I can't wait to hear the gender news, but as we all know, any healthy baby is just the best blessing ever.